Mountain Crest - Beer (If You Can Call It That) Guest Commentary

Well beer faithful we have our second guest commentary here. This comes to us courtesy of another Portland beer drinker picked up and dropped far from home. But instead of the south he is up in the "heartland" haha.

Lets all thank Amo for a little light satire.

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Brewery: Mountain Crest Brewing Company

Style: “Classic” Lager

ABV: 5.5%

Container: 12 oz aluminum can

Location Bought: Kum-n-Go gas station outside main gate of Offutt AFB

Location/Situation Enjoyed Under: Quiet suburb in quieter Nebraska/basement with beer pong table

First Reaction: Oh my god, I’ve never drank piss before now…

I am a typical ex-college student and have had my fair share of drinking watered-down American-brand beer (insert brand advertised during football games and the word Light, Lite, or Ice after it).  But nothing, not even Milwaukie Best Ice prepared me for this.  But let me set the pretense of me buying it:

It was Friday afternoon and I stopped to get gas and decided it’d be a good idea to pick up some beer while I was at it.  Now, I live in Nebraska and was at a gas station, so my choices were all the normal domestic lagers or lagers light, when I saw Mountain Crest sitting there on the bottom shelf on sale between my favorite brands of 40s.  24 beers for $10.  So I did some quick math, said the name as I pictured someone would with a Scottish accent, and decided what the hell, they all taste the same anyway.  I should have known though when the cashier in her typical Nebraska Husker uniform gave me crazy eyes and questioned my beer taste.  Bitch, whatever, I live in Nebraska, I’m allowed to be ghetto.

So I shared my first taste with a trusty housemate I knew in college and damn.  The only way to describe it is it starting off tasting skunked with an oily residue and smelling like kimchi, and then ending with a lingering bad taste in your mouth resembling wax.  No taste throughout the whole process resembled even closely to hops, malt, or barley, or anything else typically found in beer.  Instead you just got skunked wax water with a tinge of vodka-ish alcohol taste.  Powering through it though, we decided the only way to drink these is by shot gunning them.  Even then the taste somehow stayed in your mouth and got worst with each beer.  Left now with 20 beers to somehow get through, the only resort was a high-stakes game of beerpong, where the punishment for lack of skill is like giving a rimjob to a hung-over hobo with beer shits.  The rest of this story is hazy but it came down to the last cups as almost always in beer pong with me humbly having to chug the last two.  Never has a Coors Light ever tasted more refreshing.

Brewery's Description: “Damn Good Beer” (I’m not making this up)